


for soulmates come in many different forms

by here_withoutyou



Series: got a memory of you I carry in my soul, I wrap it close around me when the nights get cold [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint can’t forget Natasha, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Clint Barton, POV Clint Barton, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-12 04:13:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19124347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/here_withoutyou/pseuds/here_withoutyou
Summary: Over one year had passed since he had lost her.But still, not a day went by without him missing her.





	for soulmates come in many different forms

**Author's Note:**

> Personally, I think their friendship is the most beautiful on-screen friendship ever. So this is just a short piece on how Clint feels after a year has passed, because I don’t think he could ever forget about Natasha.  
> Hope you like it.

_Over one year._ That was how long it had been since he had lost her – his best friend, his partner, his other half. 

_All of the time_ people tried to tell him to move on. Tried to tell him that she wouldn’t have wanted this. 

_None of these times_ did he chose to accept this advice. 

_Not a day_ went by without him thinking about her and feeling guilty for it, because he could have done more. He should have done more.  
_Not a day_ without him missing her. 

_Sometimes,_ he still saw saw her face and her smile. _Sometimes,_ even still heard her laugh.  
_Always_ resulting in that pang of guilt in his chest and the feeling like someone had ripped out his very heart. 

And maybe it was actually gone. Maybe she had taken it with her when she jumped and it had shattered on the bottom of those gruesome cliffs in Vormir – together with her own, just when her precious, redheaded figure had hit the ground. 

_Everyday_ the pain inside him grew stronger and the hole she had left in his life became bigger.  
Missing her wasn’t even enough to describe what he felt. 

_Some mornings,_ he still woke up with the feeling that he was about to see her – woke up convinced that she would just come over to their house and knock on their door – only for reality to knock him down even harder, pushing him back into his pillow and paralyzing him for the rest of the day like a heavy blanket. 

_Other mornings,_ he woke up with that empty feeling in his chest right away – unable to move, like he was drowning in it. Helplessly sucked down into this never ending ocean of emptiness. 

_Almost every night,_ he would still wake up covered in sweat, the image of her face burned into the back of his eyelids. 

_Some nights,_ the dreams were good ones. Full of happy memories with her, putting a smile on his face. 

_Other nights,_ they weren’t. Instead they were horrifying version of that same terrible day. The worst of them ending in her accusing him – her ghostlike figure floating over the edge of the cliff, a silent whisper on her lips. _How could you have done this to me?_

 _Every time_ he ended up getting out of bed and sitting on the veranda until the sun came up, replaying that same scene over and over again in his mind, wondering what he could have done differently. 

_Some part_ of him wanted to move on and let go. 

_The other part_ of him – the one that was a lot stronger – just couldn’t let her go, couldn’t risk forgetting her. 

_Eventually,_ he came to the conclusion that your soulmate – the person you loved the most, the one that was the most important part of your life – wasn’t always a lover, but sometimes appeared in the form of a friend. 

From then on, _never_ was the answer he gave whenever someone dared to ask when he would finally be able to move on and live again, live in a world without her.


End file.
